On video games, narrative, authorial freedom, sexy turians, and joy.

Hey guys. Long time no see. So… about that Mass Effect 3.

I played it. My plan to marathon it straight through was disrupted by the fact that I had to move just a few days after its release, and packing, stressing, cleaning and cursing my hoarder’s instincts all occupied time that would otherwise have been spent shotgunning things in the face. As a result, I got to the ending after the storm had started. There were already a dozen well-written articles about the flaws in the ending. There was already a back and forth about the nature of art vs commerce. There was already a movement and a sense of mourning. What did I have to add? Nothing, I thought. Or almost nothing. So I wrote some forum posts, whined to folks at work, ate pancakes, tore my hair, shredded my garments, wore ashes and sackcloth, you know… the usual.

But then it lasted. When did I finish Mass Effect 3? Before PAX East, certainly, at least a week before, so it’s been a month or thereabouts. You’d think I’d be over it by now, that I’d be focusing on Game of Thrones or distracting myself with Pratchett or making a costume or playing an MMO or… you know… getting on with my gorram life. Yet I’m not.

To paraphrase Harbringer, This Hurts Me. Why? Why does it hurt me? Why do I care? Xenosaga ruined Shion after the first game, so I just never finished that series. The authorial hubris that ended of Season Five of Supernatural destroyed my suspension of disbelief and I just stopped watching as a result. The end of Lost was less of a triumph than I was hoping for, but it didn’t torment me for weeks, and yes, I loved Lost almost as much as I loved Mass Effect. So why was one almost immediately forgotten, while the other occupies me even now, weeks later?

It’s about the nature of story itself. This is going to get long, silly, and personal.

Here I sit in my new apartment, waiting for the delivery of my sofa, alone with my thoughts. What did I like so very much about Mass Effect, and why do I feel like that is lost to me now? Those questions felt too big, so I tried to focus in – could I think of one thing Mass Effect had that nothing else had? The first thing that jumped out at me is embarrassing, but when have I ever let that stop me?

I read a lot. I watch a lot of scripted TV, I read comics, I watch movies, I play narrative-focused games, and I have never, in my life, enjoyed a love story as much as I enjoyed the love story between Garrus Vakarian and Commander Shepard.

It’s not because Garrus is the most attractive character I’ve ever encountered. He’s not even my favorite squadmate; that honor goes to Mordin Solus. My investment comes from somewhere else: it comes from the game’s ability to discard one of the most central requirements of the romantic narrative: the requirement that something dramatic separate the lovers, that they have something that keeps them apart until the climax of the story. When do we ever get to see the story of two best friends who trust each other implicitly, and never break that trust, falling slowly and gently in love? Pretty much never, because there’s no drama there. I’m thinking back on hundreds of love stories I’ve read or watched or played over the years, and never has the primary love story of a piece been written in precisely this way.

Not that I’m implying that Garrus is the most important love interest in Mass Effect; he was just my primary love interest. The fact that he’s one of many is what enables this kind of storytelling. In a story with only one romance, I doubt any writer would dare to try this strange, uncertain, nearly conflict-free romantic arc. This is one of the things video games are uniquely suited to explore, something that would die on the vine in any other media.

The drama in Shepard and Garrus’s relationship comes not from the denial of their emotions, not from some stricture keeping them apart, not from (and I hate this most of all) some comical misunderstanding that introduces a senseless conflict that must be overcome in the third act. The narrative interest in their relationship in Mass Effect 2 doesn’t come from what is keeping them apart, but from what is bringing them together. It is about two people who are very important to each other realizing how much they mean to each other. That is a story that has been told before, I will admit, but there is a twist here. A twist that departs from the path of the standard romantic narrative, and creates something entirely new.

In many stories, the realization of how important a relationship is causes one or more of the parties to withdraw. “I realized what losing you would mean, and it scared me.” Or maybe the realization only comes after a lengthy slog through the ups and downs of doubts until someone finally realizes “you complete me” and then poof, reprise the theme song and roll the credits. It’s either a source of conflict throughout the story or a single beat at the end.

In Mass Effect 2, it is the story. The narrative focuses on and deepens that story in a way I have never seen before. Instead of a sudden realization that transitions us to happy-ending land, we get something that feels like real, productive, sometimes uncertain, but always positive growth. In the case of Garrus and Shepard, the admission of the relationship’s importance is not a source of artificial conflict, it is the relationship’s apotheosis. It culminates in a line that would, in any other work, come right before some dramatic fall: “I want something to go right, just once.”

Then, against all odds and reasons and narrative convention… it does go right. They fall in love and stay in love and make it out alive. They save the day and flip off the man and drive off in their souped-up rocket car staring incredulously at each other. Did that just happen? Did we actually win? Did we actually not lose everything?

I mean yeah, the world’s still ending… but the world is always ending. It never stops ending. I think we’ve all realized that. Every day is a tiny apocalypse and somebody’s not going to make it out alive. But this little armageddon, this little trap of doom and defeat, it didn’t get us.

And then we have Mass Effect 3. Again, no manufactured drama. “Hey, you want to… keep doing this?” “Yes.” “Oh good. That’s what I was hoping for.” “Me too.” So how are we going to spend this time together? Racing cars and shooting guns and making out on rooftops. We’re going to live the crap out of this life, and who cares. I can’t remember a single scene in any narrative media that made me feel as comfortable and happy and carefree as that Garrus scene on the Citadel rafters did. That whole narrative arc was an exploration of friendship and loyalty and trust and joy.

That’s my revelation: games can do that. They can do whatever they like, of course they can. Of course they can!

It leaves me standing at the top of a pile of crap romance that people have been trying to sell to modern, intelligent women for years yelling “Yo stupids, we don’t have to play your game anymore! It’s possible to tell the story of two intelligent, reasonable, awesome people who love and respect each other without any of your adolescent angsty bullshit.”

It was there, standing on my pile, shouting at the romantic narrative establishment, that I realized what I wanted out of Mass Effect, what I wanted and almost got. I’m not looking for Mass Effect to mirror the Odyssey. I’m not lookin’ to be the hero with a thousand faces. I’m sure as hell not looking for another self-sacrificial messiah figure.

I’m looking for a story that leaves me laughing with a feeling of exhilaration and joy, because video games can do things no other form of storytelling yet invented can do. I’m looking for something that will make me pump my fist in defiance at the tired old narrative devices of yesteryear. I’m looking for something that will prove me right, that will illustrate that all the angst and grimdark and rote misunderstandings are not what make great art; that great art can come from a place of delight, and victory, and friendship and unity.

If I want to experience a piece of art that reminds me what it feels like to lose my sense of hope, compromise my ideals, and sink into a world of ruin and despair, I’ve got some Dostoyevsky on the shelf. If I want to read about how mankind is a doomed, foolish race in an unfeeling universe, I’d make myself re-read Mostly Harmless; at least I’d get a few laughs out of it. If I want to see a hero sacrifice everything he is to achieve a goal he is not even certain he cares about, Elric of Melinbone is standing just off screen, looking at me with those creepy eyes, silently judging me for only reading like seven of his books. I know that feel, bro. I can get it anywhere. I can get it wholesale from a thousand dead geniuses.

What I can’t get in unlimited quantities while wandering through the classics section is self-actualization and joy. If I want to experience a piece of art that evokes the feeling of falling in love with your best friend while punching your worst enemy in the face in the ultimate triumph of free will over fate, that piece of art doesn’t exist yet.

It almost did. Mass Effect was so close to creating a piece of art that culminated in the ultimate expression of everything that is good about existence… and then it didn’t.

That’s what I’m mourning the loss of.

6 Responses to “On video games, narrative, authorial freedom, sexy turians, and joy.”

  • FoolishOwl:

    This reminds me of why I liked the romance plot with Jaheira in the Baldurs Gate saga, in which it actually felt a bit like a relationship between two actual adults who trusted and supported each other throughout the story, unlike the other options, and also unlike what usually happens in CRPGs, or adventure stories in general, come to think of it. At least that plot line had a satisfying ending, assuming you got past the scripting bugs.

    I’ve been following the thread, “All Were Thematically Revolting” on BSN, by the way, though I can’t post in it.

  • casual reader:

    Hey, I haven’t commented before, but I found this blog initially through your writing about ME, and was glad to see a new post. I have had a whole lot of feelings about ME3 over time. I am kind of happier with the game if I pretend the last ten minutes or so didn’t happen and replace it with “and then Shepard defeated the Reapers the end.” I totally see what you’re saying here, even though I do feel like I’ve kind of made my peace with the game.

  • dave:

    I just wanted to tell you, holy sh*t.

    I had explained to several people what made me sad about mass effect’s ending, and that it was more than just the ending being sad (I hope that makes sense). Sure it was confusing, disjointed, and a bit intellectually insulting…. but still more than that.

    It was the wasted potential, and the missed opportunity. So may ways they could have taken it that would have been amazing, elevated the medium (truthfully they already did that, but it could have been incredibly so much moreso).

    Im an avid gamer, have been since Zork on the Apple IIe. Never hoped or expected as much from a game as I did from ME3. Didn’t even fully realize how invested I was and how high my expectations were until the disappointment set in.

    I weep for ME3, Bioware, the development team, and the entire cast of characters. I weep for what gaming might have achieved. I weep for the rapture this story almost gave. I weep, and I continue to struggle with letting go.

    Your blog post helped me to identify one more piece of the puzzle of my emotions that I am trying to figure out. Thank you.

  • FoolishOwl:

    A few times, you’ve mentioned that you have some behind-the-scenes insight into how this sort of writing is done. I wonder if you could address a question that’s really been nagging at me, about trends in serial fiction. It’s pretty obvious that you want your audience to keep asking for more. Presenting a narrative that’s moving towards a grand conclusion gives the audience a reason to stick around. Presenting enigmas and cliffhangers to be resolved later makes an audience eager. So, why is it so rare for the writers to actually plot out a story arc in advance, and why is it becoming so common to present enigmas without bothering to work out their explanation first?

    Whatever else you can say about its writing, Babylon 5 had a coherent narrative, and any question that the series asked was eventually answered.

    By contrast, the rebooted Battlestar Galactica initially gave the impression of having a coherent narrative, but didn’t; the series asked questions it didn’t answer, because the writers wrote the questions without bothering to think of answers to those questions. Who left the note for Adama that there were twelve Cylon models, and why was it important to tell him? Who were Internal Six and Internal Baltar? What happened to Starbuck? The writers were winging it, and the ending was a mess that offered few answers, and those few answers were absurd.

    I perceive something of the same thing happening with Martin’s A Song of Fire and Ice, and I gave up on The Wheel of Time because I felt like the story was going nowhere. Star Trek: Enterprise kept overwriting the Star Trek canon, yet without a plan. I’ve heard that Lost was worse than BSG in terms of posing questions the writers had no answers to.

    The simplest example I can think of is The Blair Witch Project. I liked it the first time I saw it; the second, I found it alternately tedious or unintentionally funny, because I knew that the story was a cheat. We never find out the truth about how the students died; therefore, there is no truth to how they died, and there isn’t actually a story.

    What I don’t understand is, how does this happen so often? Why is it actually unusual to have a plot arc that’s adhered to? Is there something about the process of writing a series that makes it difficult to stick to an initial plan, or to formulate it to begin with?

  • Sean (GuardianAngel470):

    I remember reading this post all those many months ago. It was important to me to hear what others felt about the situation and you were one of the few forumites I could trust to really think through your position and be able to express that complex position concisely and intelligently.

    I may have found you months after I’d stopped getting embroiled in lengthy debates but it was still refreshing to find someone else that tried to see all sides.

    Reading this again is a bit painful if I’m perfectly honest. Because I think many of us can sympathize with that sense of loss, even if we get funny looks from those around us for it. As a medium, video games had that potential to reach further into our hearts than we believed was possible for fiction. And Mass Effect was, to me at least, the highlight of that; it was the shining knight on a hilltop, raising a sword in defiance of convention and pushing the boundaries of what story telling can really be.

    To have it all come crashing down on top of us, smothering us with the dust of inadequacy and the weight of failure, it took one of the strongest connections a creator can make and perverted it into something wretched.

    It seems it may have hit your particularly hard, given the fact that you haven’t posted in close to a year. I know you were also suffering from an illness and hope you’re all right, but if you are you shouldn’t give up on expressing yourself here.

    As you can see, people still visit, hoping for your opinion on something. Probably not frequently, but we do. Mass Effect may have broken your heart, but don’t let it break your spirit.

    Garrus would never stand for it.

  • The additional you shop every week and construct your stockpile the less you’ll have
    to get later on.

Leave a Reply